


It's been a while

by Fangirlingoversassymoments



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Freeform, Friendship, Love, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sastiel - Freeform, Secret love, Unexpressed Love, friends - Freeform, hushed feelings, sastiel-freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-04-10 06:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4381373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlingoversassymoments/pseuds/Fangirlingoversassymoments
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just something that came to me as I layed on the beach. I thought of going further with it but I'm still indisisive about it. Let me know of y'all think I should continue it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

It's been a while...  
Since Sam and Cas had time alone. They weren't used to being alone together. Dean was always with them. And Sam, Sam always thanked his lucky stars for that. Because when Dean was there he could focus on the case and force himself to think of Cas as Dean' guardian angel. But when they are alone Sam feels like the luckiest and unluckiest man on earth. He feels lucky to be with the being he loves and unlucky because he knows that he will never be able to tell Cas how much he loves him, what his true feelings are, "who could love such abomination? Hmm Sam? Hell he even said it to you when he met you the first time!" His subconscious making a snide remark. If Sam only knew...  
If he only knew how the Angel really felt towards him...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I may write chapter 3, it all depends on how you guys like it. Much love!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Elora, thank you my love for everything you do for me, I love you with all my heart and even though this isn't your OTP I hope you like it. LOVE YOU
> 
> Khadija, my other love thank you for proof reading my first fic and encouraging me to continue writing. This is my third one.
> 
> To Dawn, this is also for you. Thank you for the encouragement, I hope it is to your liking.
> 
> To everyone else, thank you for reading my stuff, hope y'all like it.

Castiel tried to understand why he was having dreams of Sam. It's not that he was dreaming of him, he had before, but it was the type of dreams; they weren't like the previous ones, they were so much different. The others had been of Sam going dark side again, him dying, or him leaving. These were of being with Sam doing things couples did. Castiel would dream of having movie days with Sam wrapped around him as they laid on the bed, Sam teaching him how to bake the cookies he loved, Sam being close enough to him when they did research that their knees would touch, or sometimes it was just hugging more often or getting kissed on the cheek if he were that lucky. 

He tried to understand these dreams for months, until he asked Gabriel to help him understand. Gabriel asked him "do you feel nervous around Sam when you are alone, do you yearn for his touch or for his hugs to linger more?" To which Cas answered "yes, I also long to be with Sam in any way he allows , i feel like there's a hole in my chest when I don't see him or hear from him, I miss him even if I've just seen him."  
Gabriel replied to this with what he thought would be the perfect nudge towards the answer, because he knew he couldn't just answer it for him "look at your feelings, look at infatuation, love and friendships, and every human relationship, then look at your feelings again." 

Cas took Gabriels advice and reflected on his feelings and dreams, he compared them to every single human relationship. He began to discard every negative relationship and feelings, then he discarded infatuation because it simply was much more than that. He looked and compared, but it felt like being in love was the closest thing to what he felt towards Sam; yet it wasn't enough, it was so much more than love, admiration, fondness, respect, it was so much more than those feelings.  
Castiel decided that now that he understood his feelings that he would pay attention to Sams behavior around him to try to see how Sam felt towards him. He wants to tell... no he NEEDS to tell Sam about his feelings, because he knew that Sam might be under the impression that he hates him. After all the reflection he noticed how his behavior may be misconstrued to that, he had said some harsh things before, he had treated him with coldness and disdain when they first met.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello Sam. Where is Dean?'' Castiel wanted to make sure that Dean wouldn't be interrupting any time soon, Dean seemed to have a knack for that.  
"Hey Cas, umm he is out." Sam replies  
"Is he going to take long?" Cas eagerly asks, Dean taking the rest of the day and night is what Cas wished for.  
"Um yeah he said that he was going to interview the girls parents, run the scene again and hit some bars. This case is getting to him. Do you want me to call him?"  
"No." Cas practically yells, Jesus! what was wrong with him, he didn't want to scare Sam.  
"Okaay then..." Sam was wondered if he was going to get yelled at. "So whats up Cas? Did something bad happen?"  
"No nothing like that Sam. I just... never mind, so what is this case about? Do you need help with research?" This was going to harder than he thought.  
"Oh no its okay, i think, yeah i should be fine with it. Honestly don't think it'll be something too big, no need to waste your time with this, you have more important things to do..." Sam was taken aback with Cas wanting to help him with research that he rambled a little in his response. He let himself think for a second that Cas wanted to spend time with him, 'as if' his subconscious remark sobered him up.   
"Nonsense, I want to help. Please let me help." Cas didn't mean to sound so needy or eager, he just needed to be with Sam alone.  
"Well, okay then. Thanks Cas, really. Here you can take these books and the copy of the medical report, i already read it." Sam smiles and hands him the things and their hands brush against and Sam could swear he felt a current run through him. Sam couldn't help but blush and hoped that Cas didn't see it.  
"Thank you Sam for letting me help. Come lets start." Cas and Sam sit on the couch and Cas makes it his mission to get as close as he can to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I talk about the case. It's not marvel okay (you'll understand what I mean by that) I think this is the best I can do with the mess I had originally typed for this chapter. I hope it doesn't fuck it up.

"Okay so I think we may be looking at a trickster. Not Gabriel's version of a trickster but the actual God of mischief. What do you think Cas?" Sam wanted to make sure this time that it was a God and not another angel trying to hide like Gabriel had done so.  
" I think you're right, I went through the surveillance video from the building across from where the victim was found and it looks like him. It's been a really long time since I've seen him but I'm almost 100% sure it's him. The only way of knowing is to summon him here. That way we will know if it's him and not some angel disguising himself as him." Cas had managed to get as close he could to Sam, so close that he was leaning against his back, they had managed to get in this position after moving to the floor and working back to back.  
It surprised Sam that Cas was allowing so much contact and that he was so interested in the case. He had never been so interested in a common case, he only cared about the ones that were angel related. He was getting suspicious of Cas' behavior. Did he have some bad news and just didn't know how to bring it up? But then this is Cas and he always was blunt about that stuff. Sam became determined to know what was going on with him. Not that he minded the touching. Hell he felt like a teenager all over again. Hiding his blushed cheeks and face splitting grin from his crush. He also noticed Cas' tone was sweeter and less annoyed. A thought crept into Sam's head, was Cas starting to warm up to him? Before he could go on with that thought his insecurities came out to stomp it.  
'Stop it Sam! Stop seeing things where there's nothing!!!!' Sam decided he would ask Cas about his behavior after they summoned the God.  
"Are you sure this is going to work? Not that I'm saying you don't know what you're doing but no one has ever heard of this summoning." Sam just stared at the few ingredients that were on the floor of the dungeon.  
"Sam it is. Well it will if it's really the God, if it's not Loki then I'll take care of the rouge angel." Cas hopes it is not another of his brothers. There was already so many that died in the war that he has no idea of how he would reprimand a rouge angel.  
Castiel starts mixing the ingredients Sam hands him and takes those opportunities to touch his hands and feel the current the goes through him. He notices how Sam flinches a little in surprise of the current. He also notices Sams blush and the little smile as he tries to hide it. Cas' heart flutters at the sight of it. Then his heart starts pounding as the realization of Sams feelings towards him, Sam has feelings for him too! Cas tries to calm his heart beat but simply can't so he does what he can to focus back on the summoning and praying that Sam doesn't hear his heart pounding out of his chest.  
Cas finishes the summoning and they wait in silence looking at the trap drawn on the floor then looking up into each other's eyes as time passes and Loki hasn't given any signs of him showing up soon.  
"Cas, I'm so sorry man. I was really hoping it was Loki and not.." Sam is interrupted by Loki's appearance.

"Who dares summon me!?" Loki is annoyed, enraged and a bit flabbergasted at the summoning. It had been over a millennia since he had last been summoned and the last thing that did it had been an angel named Castiel.  
"We did, and now you will tell us where your last victim is?" Cas commands Loki, hoping the God didn't remember him and their history. Sam felt a shiver go down his spine as he heard Cas' commanding voice and, unwillingly, improper thoughts flooded through his mind. 'Sam! Focus!' His subconscious yelled at him.  
"She's dead... Well she will be in no time." Loki responds with a cynical smile on his face. He recognized Castiel, no vessel could ever hide his real face, this was going to be entertaining.  
"Tell us where she is!" Sam's demand snaps Loki's attention to the human in the room.  
"Why would I tell you anything, you puny insignificant human." Loki laughs at Sams attempt at being intimidating.  
"Because if you don't I'll kill you." Sam responds in a grave tone.  
"Kill me! Ha! Your pagan books don't know how to kill me. Do you honestly think a wooden stake can kill me?!" Loki fakes fury towards Sam and takes a step closer to him but stops before exiting the trap.  
Cas instinctively comes between Sam and Loki. He knows what he is capable of and won't allow anything bad to happen to Sam, this is who he loved, loved more than God himself. Loki might not recognize him yet (or so Castiel thinks) but he will.  
"He may not know how to but I do Loki. Have you recognized me yet? Or did you already forget how our last encounter went?" Cas is ready to take him out no matter what history they had, Sam is his one and only love that he will protect. Realizing he still needs the location of the girl he calms down. "So either you tell me or I will kill you."  
"Well well well, could it be or do my eyes deceive me? Castiel? Is it really you? I hadn't recognized you in your human vessel. Looking good old friend."Loki feigned a sudden recognition, hiding the bit of hurt it caused him to be treated like this by Castiel and covering it with anger Loki steps closer to the edge of the trap, ready to pounce on Sam when needed.  
"I am not your friend." Cas says through gritted teeth. Even though he is angry at him for threatening Sam he hopes he won't have to kill him. After all he was the first friend he made, regardless of what had transpired.   "Enough Loki, no more, just answer my questions." Castiel just wanted the case to be over so he could talk to Sam and explain how he knew the God and why he didn't say anything before summoning him; but most of all to tell him how he felt about Sam.  
"Castiel kill me or don't, just remember the line that cannot be crossed. Don't forget about the rules of the universes' and creations, remember boy; I am older than you. I'm not telling you where her corpse is. You'll just have to wait. At any rate this was fun let's never do it again. Now let me out." Loki could have broken out at any time he wanted, since Sam had messed up a sigil on the trap, he just had been entertained at this attempt of a trap and by how Castiel was protective over him, but he had enough of the tone and manner he was being treated. Castiel has pushed his limit and will pay for this. Yet he remained inside, knowing his time was coming up.

"No, you going to stop killing humans. You are not afraid of death but I still keep tabs on your home and you are wanted back there. We may have vanished from each others lives but I never stopped caring." Castiel takes a step closer to vanish him home but Loki's time had come. Loki breaks free, gets behind Sam and puts a dagger to his neck.  
"One step closer and the boy dies for good. Let me leave, don't follow me, don't summon me again. I know you'll send word out that I'm here so don't worry about me staying, I'm leaving this realm."  
Castiels heart stops, his breath stuck in his lungs, panic and bile rising up his throat. How dare he threaten Sam!? How!? But he finally sees the sting of hurt beneath Loki's anger, he knows Loki isn't bluffing. He must agree, he knows he can't undo the work of a God. "Leave and don't come back again. Remember I'm an immortal."  
"Same as me Castiel, the major difference is that I am a God and not some servant to one." Loki disappears. Sam is left hurt and bewildered by the whole experience. How did he get out? How does he know Cas? Why did Cas fail to mention his relationship with the God? So many questions are filling up his head but before he could ask anything Cas is wrapped around him.  
"Sam are you okay!? I'm so sorry I didn't double check the trap. He's gone. He's no longer on here, I don't sense him anymore."  
"Cas you're squeezing me. I'm okay but you're squeezing me." Sam is flabbergasted at Cas reaction. He had never seen him this emotional over him being in danger. This is all so bizarre,he was starting to think Cas might give a shit about him.  
"Cas what's going on with you? You've been acting weird and if I didn't know better I'd say..."  
"I'm in love with you Sam Winchester." Castiel cuts him off with his declaration of love. He just couldn't let go of Sam, although he did loosen up his arms around him, he couldn't stop himself from blurting out his confession against Sams neck.  
Sam pushes Cas at arm length to see his face. "What!? What are you talking about Cas?... No you must be mixing up friendship with love. It's not possible... You can't... No this is just you being emotional about what went down. You'll see clearer when the adrenaline wears down. There is no way you can love an abomination like me." Sam couldn't believe his ears. Maybe his mind was playing a trick on him.

'This was just Cas reacting to his encounter with Loki.' Sam's brain kept screaming at him, no matter how much his heart and everything in his body wished to believe Castiel's words.

  
Castiel is stunned. Hurt that Sam would think such thing. Maybe he was wrong and misread Sam's body language. He decided he would clear up that it wasn't an adrenaline rush that prompted this and then he would leave, give Sam and himself some time.

"Sam, please listen to me. I had been wanting to tell you. I was going to tell you before I helped you with the case... but you looked so busy and I didn't know how you felt towards me. I thought you had feelings for me as well, but clearly I was wrong. I just want you to know that this out burst wasn't caused by adrenaline at all. I just couldn't let another second go by with out you knowing.'' Cas pauses, trying to hold back tears he didn't know he was capable of forming. "Goodbye Sam." Castiel turns away to take flight. He felt so stupid and rejected. So hurt, so emotional. He just couldn't cope. Before he could fly away Sam pulls him by his wrist and spins him towards him. Sam cups Castiels' cheek and kisses him.  
Kisses him like he had always dreamed of doing. For he didn't care if Castiel knew what his real feelings were or weren't he just wanted to believe it for one second.  
When Sam finally pulls away to catch his breath and cool down; Castiels' head is spinning, confused yet feeling like he is flying higher than he has ever flown, even though he is right in front of the man he loves.  
"Cas, I do have feelings for you. I just never thought you felt something for me other than a friendship. I've kept quiet for years and no longer care if you regret this but you should know that I have loved you for years. I can't believe this just happened. My mind is screaming at me, reminding me of my impurity. How I don't deserve you. But for the time being I don't care if what you say is a lie I just want to enjoy this moment."  
Cas attempted to tell him that he did love him but Sam had no intention of letting precious time being taken away with words so he kisses Cas before anything else is spoken. Cas gets lost in the way Sam kisses him, in how he feels his knees go weak yet by some miracle he is still standing, he relishes in how strong Sams arms are and how safe he feels in them.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam must face Dean and his feelings regarding Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick reminder that I have no beta so please forgive my error, I will revise later when I've had copious amount of sleep. 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy and thanks to all who've stuck around.
> 
> Dawn thank you for encouraging me, here goes nothing love.
> 
>  
> 
> I will have the next two and last chapters up by the end of April. For now I will leave you with this and hope it's enough to keep you at bay.

Sam doesn't remember when Dean got home, he only remember being glad that he hadn't caught Cas and him kissing. KISSING, yes Kissing! His mind was still trying to process that and all the mess with Loki (which he still doesn't know how Cas knew him) but he wasn't going to be able to with Dean rambling on about how he missed all the action and getting angry that he didn't call him for back up.

" I can't believe you did that to me Sam! You know how I've been jonesing for some action! Do you know how stupid I looked when the girl showed up at her door just as I was leaving? Ugh I can't believe this bull shit. And since when are you and Cas best buddies? Or have I missed on the signs of this super friendship? Because last time I checked you two couldn't be alone together for longer than 2 seconds with out one of you storming out or flying away. I'm talking to you as well Cas, and where the hell did you go? Too chicken to tell me about this new partnership?" Deans annoyance had turned into anger the more he went on with his rambling, the alcohol he had consumed wasn't helping either.

"Dean calm down, it's nothing like that. Cas had showed up to see how we were doing. Since I had told him you were out on the field and I was stuck with research he offered his help. Trust me when I tell you that I was shocked he cared about a regular case. I was just so frustrated that I was going nowhere that I accepted his help, I needed an extra pair of eyes. After we found out what we could be dealing with we got caught up in assembling the ingredients and setting up the trap that I forgot to call you. Then when the God showed up it was just a mess. I'm sorry okay! No need to bite my head off. I'm sorry you looked like a dumb ass and that you feel like you wasted your day running around for nothing. Turns out that a little bit of research was all we needed." Sam hoped that this would soothe his brother enough for him to not probe about him and Cas any further.  
It seems like it did the trick because Dean just mumbled on as he headed for his room about him still being pissed that he wasn't there to protect his little brother and missing the chance to see Cas in action. Sam took a breath of fresh air when he saw Dean go into his room. He now finally had to chance to process what went down after Loki left. He sent a silent prayer to God, in it asking for strength and patience for both himself and Cas. Sam walked to his room and locked his door, not wanting Dean to go barging in just in case he remembered to bug him about Cas.

"Finally!" Sam exclaims as he plops on his bed after putting on pjs. 'Okay Sam, what are you going to do? Go on like it didn't happen? Like you didn't believe Cas when he said he was in love with you? Go on like it wasn't the best thing that has ever happened to you? What are you going to do? Are you also not going to ask about how he knows Loki? or Why he didn't bother saying anything about it before the summon? Did he hide that information because he's an ex? How many romantic relationships has he had?'  His subconscious asked him. Sam knew that he needed those answers because now that he has tasted the sweetness of Castiel's lips, felt how they both kept pressing their bodies together as much as they could, now that he knew that they both wanted more contact, that he wouldn't want to stop. He knew that he was forever lost in those deep blue eyes, that he was ruined and no one else would enough. He just hoped that castiel wanted the same, that he hasn't realized his mistake, that he regretted saying and doing those things. Sam curled at the pain it brought to think of Castiel not wanting him, of Castiel regretting everything. He knew that he had to confront Cas about his feelings and his thoughts. Sam knew he needed Cas in his life no matter what, he knew he wanted a relationship with him.


End file.
